1. Things a man would do if he woke up with a vagina for a day.
- Finally find that damn G-Spot.
- Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
- Squat over a hand held mirror for an hour and a half.
- See if they could finally do a split.
- See if it is truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
- Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
- Get picked up in a bar in less then 20 minutes before closing time.
- Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
- Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
- Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.
2. Things a woman would do if she woke up with a penis for a day.
- Get ahead faster in the corporate world.
- Get a blowjob.
- Find out what is so fasinating about beating the meat.
- Pee standing up while talking to another man at the urinal.
- Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.
- Find out what it is like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
- Touch/shift herself in public without thought as to how improper it might seem.
- Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
- Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction, which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member, which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
3. Things most women will never say.
- You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.
- That was fun, when will all of your friends be over to watch pornos again?.
- The new girl in my office is a stripper, I invited her over for dinner on Friday.
- While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.
- Bar food again?. Kick ass.
- I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.
- That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her.
- I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends, tell me more.
- I like using this new lawn mower so much more than the old one, what a wonderful Valentines day!.
- Let's just leave the toilet seat "up" at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore.
- It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.
- Honey, come here!. Watch me do a Tequila Shot off of Stephanie's bare ass!.
- I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.
- Damn!. I love it when my pillow smells like your cigars and scotch.
- You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya big silly. You are so much smarter than my father.
- If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch SportsCenter.
4. Why it's great to be a man.
- Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
- Your orgasms are real. Always.
- Your last name stays put.
- The garage is all yours.
- Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
- Chocolate is just another snack.
- You can be president.
- You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
- Foreplay is optional.
- You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
- The world is your urinal.
- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
- You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
- Wrinkles add character.
- You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
- If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
- People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
- The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
- Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
- Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
- Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?".